Giants Dedicate Season To Murdered Kicker

Players honor, asphyxiate struggling teammate

East Rutherford, NJ — The New York Giants announced today that they are dedicating their season to placekicker Jay Feely, whom the team brutally murdered on the plane ride home following his three missed kicks in Sunday’s 24-21 overtime loss to Seattle.  Feely is the team’s third honoree this season;  franchise patriarch Wellington T. Mara and fellow co-owner Preston Robert Tisch passed away earlier this fall, both after lengthy battles with cancer.

With flags at the Meadowlands once again flying at half staff, players and coaches reflected on Feely’s life, which they ended a few hours after he misfired on three potential game-winning field goals.

“We are having another tough day around here,” said Coach Tom Coughlin, who turned a deaf ear to Feely’s desperate screams as the five-year pro was beaten and strangled by angry teammates aboard the Giants’ chartered jet.  “I’m filled, yet again, with a profound sense of loss. We shouldn’t have lost this game.”

“It’s tragic,” said end Michael Strahan, one of six defensive players who held Feely down in the back of the plane while he was pummeled by most of the offensive line and running back Tiki Barber.  “29 years old.  Three kids.  Two chances to win in overtime.”

Said receiver Amani Toomer, who had 6 catches for 62 yards and repeatedly stomped on Feely’s face:  “One minute, we’re a chip shot from home-field advantage throughout the playoffs, next we’re looking at another week of gauzy media tributes to a deceased member of the Giants.”

Tight end Jeremy Shockey was one of those who had grown close to the kicker, particularly after Shockey’s bruising 10-catch effort against the Seahawks went for naught.  “Today is the saddest of days,” he said, staring into his locker.  “Jay’s last few minutes there, as the blood drained from his face, I held his hand.  And his throat.”

Said cornerback Will Allen, “All the guy had to do was make one of three—including a measly 40-yarder--and I wouldn’t be standing here talking to you, and the cops.  It’s awful, just awful.”